


Day 10

by godamnarmsrace



Series: Robron Prison Release Advent Calendar [5]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Aftermath, Angst, Forgiveness, M/M, happy ending i guess, tbh i don't even know what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-10-12 04:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10482300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godamnarmsrace/pseuds/godamnarmsrace
Summary: Prompted by @zacksabrejunior who wanted “Don’t look at my fucking boner when we fight.” I am more than sure this isn’t what you meant …I’m so sorry.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not really happy with this tbh but I was out voted by my Cheerleaders who said I should post it. (Also not a drabble…whoops!)

It was really hard for Aaron to take Robert seriously when he was naked from the waist down.

“Don’t look at my fucking boner when we’re fighting,” Robert growled slamming their bedroom door and storming across the room away from Aaron.

“Well stop waving it around in my direction then,” Aaron said defending his current life choices as best he could given that a) his husband was super upset (surprise boner notwithstanding) and b) he was having trouble tearing his eyes away from said boner.

Normally, it would have been just plain distracting but Robert was really on a rampage. He was pissed and Robert pissed usually ended in bad decisions and tears and with at least one person in the boot of a car. And yet Aaron felt more like laughing than anything else, it was strangely liberating.

Maybe he’d finally lost the plot,  this situation they’d found themselves in was so far from amusing that is wasn’t even a little bit funny but Robert standing across from Aaron with his hands on his hips in full tie, dress shirt and suit jacket combo and nothing else was doing crazy things to Aarons concentration let alone his grip on reality.

“This is serious Aaron,” Robert uttered shaking his head at Aaron sounding less angry and more lost.

“I know,” Aaron said trying to wipe away the grin he knew was fixed firmly to his face. “But throwing a tantrum isn’t going to change anything.”

“I just don’t understand why you’re not angrier about this,” Robert said sitting on the bed his rage waning in disbelief.

“Look I’m not going to lie, Robert, I was hurt. I was but I know you. I do. And maybe, it’s therapy or maybe it’s being apart from you that has just illustrated spectacularly what I don’t want from life. Which is to be separated from you ever.  We don’t work apart Robert. And we were apart,” Aaron said with conviction sitting down next to his husband. Aaron placed his hand next to Robert’s where it rested on their bed linking his pinkie over Robert’s. “You’re it for me, Robert Sugden. We both broke our vows, the promises we made to each other.”

Robert bowed his head and pulled away from Aaron, moving across the room his arms wrapped around himself tightly.

“Robert?” Aaron asked feeling ill at the gap that was opening between them. This was the last thing he wanted.

Robert finally looked up at Aaron looking so much younger than his thirty years. “You can’t forgive me for this Aaron. It’s unforgivable,” Robert said curling even further into himself if that was possible.

Aaron felt anger flare in his belly, “Why not? Isn’t it mine to forgive?” he asked not able to look at Robert anymore. Bitterness crept out from deep inside his heart.

“I can’t forgive it, Aaron. I can’t look at myself without wanting to die a little inside, and I can’t look at her without feeling physically ill,” Robert said his words more broken than Aaron had ever heard from his man. “And it shouldn’t even be about me. I don’t get to complain I should feel bad. I should suffer for what I did forever and I will.”

Aaron wanted to throttle his husband and gather him up in his arms, all at the same time.

“You know what I can’t forgive, what will eat at me more than anything? If you take my choices away from me. I’m not some broken doll you have to piece back together every time something gets hard. I’ve had enough of that in my life I don’t need it from you. I just need you to love me. Messed up forever, right? I know it’s not what you meant, this, I didn’t either but it’s very simple, and I didn’t get it before, but it really is. It comes down to one thing. Do you love me? Can you live without me in your life? And would you have ever had sex with her if I had been here with you? If you could have had me in that moment? What would you choose?” Aaron asked already knowing what Robert’s answer would be.

“You. I will always choose you, Aaron, always. I…god, you know I love you. I’ve never loved anyone but you but it’s all just words, isn’t it? Ultimately, my actions, my weakness betrayed you, betrayed us,” Robert argued tears welling in his eyes.

“Didn’t I betray us too; didn’t my actions get us here in some way? My jealously, my envy, my insecurity, my violence and don’t forget the drugs. Or am I completely innocent in this?” Aaron tried to reason.

“This isn’t your fault. You didn’t mean what you said it was the drugs talking,” Robert said shouldering all the blame, but Aaron needed his share he’d earned it. They both made this mess but they both had to want to fix it.

Aaron got up from the bed because he couldn’t sit still any longer and said, “And hadn’t you been drinking? Adam said a whole bottle of whisky. Did you mean it? Did you want it? Want to hurt me?”

“It’s not the same. I don’t know what I wanted. I don’t remember anything other than it hurt and I wanted to make it stop,” Robert’s maintained but his eyes met Aaron’s and it gave him hope.

“Yeah, well I wanted to make it stop too Robert. The pain the fear of what was happening to me in that place and the drugs helped and you were going to make me stop. You were going to make it hurt again and I wanted to hurt you and I knew just what to say because I’m the only one who knows you, Robert. The only one who knows how deep your scars run, the ones no one else can see but me,” Aaron urged Robert to understand. “Look around I get a pass here in the village. Have I always made the right choices? No, and yet I think some people see my scars know my past and forgive me my sins. Robert ‘you’re just a bad guy, a cheater, a bad son, bad brother and never good enough.’ But you are good enough Robert. You’re good enough for me and I don’t think either of us is worthy of this love we’ve been given. I don’t even know what to do with it most of the time. But we’ll get there. I have to believe we will because otherwise what is the point?”

“You’re the only one who has ever seen all of me Aaron and I need you to love what you see. I can’t even breathe sometimes when we’re apart and I feel like I’ve been drowning since your mum told me you got twelve fucking months,” Robert revealed, watching as Aaron started to get undressed. “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m taking my clothes off so that I can go to bed with my husband and hold him and have him hold me the way I’ve been dreaming about every night we’ve been apart. And tomorrow we go burn that mattress,” Aaron said kicking off his pants and beckoning to his husband to join him.

Robert went to his side of the bed but just stood there gazing at him. “I did it already,” he muttered.

Aaron let out a frustrated sigh and said, “Okay, well I am pissed you didn’t at least give me that small pleasure. Get into bed Robert, if you want to make this work.”

“And then what?” Robert asked in a small voice.

“Liv gets the room she wanted all along and we were on a break,” Aaron answered as best he could, not sure if he had all the answers and observed as a hundred thoughts, fears and emotions crossed Robert’s face.

Robert hesitated and said, “And it’s just that simple?”

“No, Robert nothing between us will ever be simple but I feel like it’s our truth and all I really want is for you to let me let this go. Because I need it and you need it. You need someone to love you in spite of who you are Mr Dingle and so do I,” Aaron said as he watched Robert strip off what was left of his clothes.

The decision was made then. And so very them, that this new vow was without words. A promise was given to fight and to not let this be something that defined them but rather something that strengthened their bond. Aaron knew that Robert still didn’t get it, not completely and Aaron knew his mother would try and fight him on his decision and Aaron knew they were messed up. But the only time either of them felt remotely whole was when they were together. Aaron didn’t want to be just one more person who rejected Robert because he wasn’t what they thought he should be and Aaron couldn’t stomach the idea that Robert would be one more person to leave him.

They were more than that, they always had been.

***

“I love you, Mr Sugden, more than anything else,” Robert said nodding his head as he climbed into bed it was the first time he’d done so in what felt like years but, when Aaron lay down beside him and put his head on Robert’s chest something broke away inside him. The pain was still there it was just not so close to his heart.

“I love you too, whatever else I might say,” Aaron whispered a kiss against Robert’s chest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> @bluewinseverytime Matty babe thanks for the bail job. You're awesome. Every girl should have two of you.


End file.
